Skip to main content

Leaving Social Media

woman typing on laptop

I took my first social media detox in November 2018. I decided to take a break for 30 days. It felt amazing and I learned a lot about myself and my use of social media. I returned to social media, as planned, determined to take the lessons I learned from the detox to mindfully interact with Facebook and Instagram. I had the very best intentions.

By May 2019, all my good intentions were forgotten and I found I was back to a place where social media was affecting me negatively. I promised myself that I would get back on track. (You know where this is going, right?)

Before long, I was back to what I perceived as an unhealthy relationship with Instagram and Facebook. Something needed to change. The pandemic hit. I used it as an excuse to stay 'connected'. Instead of feeling connected, I watched in horror as people tore each other apart online, saying things they would never to say to one another if they were face to face. 

In September 2020, I deleted my business page and told my personal "Friends" that I was drastically reducing my time on Facebook. I gave them a couple of ways to stay in touch with me, some responded, some didn't. This wasn't a detox and I didn't feel the need to write any articles or long posts about why I was leaving. It was just time. I deactivated my Facebook account.

When I left Facebook, I somehow convinced myself that I could still use Instagram mindfully. But honestly, I was losing my interest in any social media and made my last IG post on July 8, 2021. Again, this was done fairly silently-no fanfare or loud proclamations. I just stopped posting. I haven't participated in social media since.

I find it interesting that my exit didn't "stick" until I stopped making a big deal about leaving social media. When I detoxed previously, I felt I owed it to my friends and followers to let them know I was leaving. I also thought I would be more likely to stick to leaving if I announced my intentions in public. I was wrong on both accounts.

Honestly, I don't think anyone really missed my posts so telling them I was leaving was pointless. I don't mean for that to sound sad. There's just so much else out there for people to look at it that not seeing my feed wouldn't make a big difference to them. I'm as guilty of that as anyone else. When I used social media, I didn't notice if one of the accounts I regularly followed stopped posting.

And as for the accountability, I think that was a lie I was telling myself. If I came back from a social media detox on day 7 instead of day 30, no one would scold me because nobody was counting the days except me. It wasn't until I came to a peaceful conclusion about leaving social media for myself, and realizing that I didn't need anyone else to know, that I knew I was truly ready to make an exit.

So why am sharing all this now? Mainly, it's because I recently read this article by Gwenn Seemel about how 8 artists left Facebook and Instagram and thrived. Reading that article, gave me so much hope for all of us-that we can gracefully transition our businesses to a marketing plan that brings us more joy and connection. We can still make new, virtual friends and stay in touch with old ones. I loved seeing all their thoughts about their experience. I felt called to share not only because of the article, but also tell you the story of my exit. I'm not here tell you to quit social media-that's a personal decision. I'm here to tell you the ways my life has changed, mostly for the better, as a result of my decision to make a change in my life.

The story I want to share with you isn't really about closing my social media accounts. It's about my desire to change my life. To look at what isn't working for me and find new ways to do things. It's about being brave enough to go against the norm and find my own path. I loved reading all the artists' stories in Gwenn's article because they made me feel hopeful and I hope my story might do the same for one of you out there.

This is going to be bit of a long story and I know you don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to break the story up over a few posts. I hope you will take your time reading each post. Click on all those links. Go to your journal and think about what you learned, what the posts and articles bring up inside you. The lessons might not have anything to do with social media, but I'm hoping you might find some inspiration for finding your own path in some area of your life. Let me know what's coming up for you in the comments below and thanks for reading my story.

 Read more of the story....

How to Stay Friends Without Social Media 

Marketing Your Business Without Social Media

 

 



Labels:

Comments

  1. C. Jane ReidFebruary 16, 2022 at 7:24 AM

    Lovely and inspirational! I have pulled back drastically from social media myself. I'm no longer on Instagram, though I haven't deleted it. I just don't go on. I'm on Facebook still, but I've "unfollowed" all the"friends" except a handful of old but long-distant friends who I otherwise wouldn't be able to engage with. I don't have either app on my phone anymore, so it's extra steps to even get in the site. Even still on Facebook, I rarely post anything but share funny and pretty memes and pictures. That does make me happy and oddly mindful.

    Thank you for the link. I treat nearly all of the artists' posts and they were quite enlightening.

    Carissa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayFebruary 16, 2022 at 11:13 AM

      Thanks Carissa! I thought all the artists were thoughtful and had some really great ideas for running a business without social media. Sounds like you have a good solution for your needs!

      Delete
  2. MichelleFebruary 16, 2022 at 12:37 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story! I love the fact that artists are waking up to the harmful effects of social media and finding their own way. Deleting my social media art accounts has improved my well-being and made my art process so much more joyful. I look forward to your next posts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayFebruary 17, 2022 at 12:22 PM

      It's great to hear that your decision made you so joyful.

      Delete
  3. KarenLRFebruary 16, 2022 at 2:36 PM

    Thanks Laura, for this thoughtful post. I left Facebook just before the 2016 presidential election as a self preservation measure and never looked back. I left Instagram and Amazon in January of this year because I no longer felt comfortable using platforms that filled the pockets of the billionaires. It's been very empowering for so many reasons...but mostly I feel like my integrity has integrity :-) It's been fascinating to see how people are becoming more introspective as the pandemic rolls on and perhaps this is one of the (overly used) "silver linings" . I look forward to reading your future posts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayFebruary 17, 2022 at 12:24 PM

      I am planning to delete IG soon (I just need to find my password! Ha!) and gosh, I've been mulling the whole Amazon thing myself. I'm impressed with your integrity!

      Delete
  4. Aleta JacobsonFebruary 16, 2022 at 3:55 PM

    I thank you and am/have cut back a lot on social media. I would let go of my facebook accounts. Yes accounts. Because I am either in charge of some sales groups or because I have my artists account I can't get rid of facebook. I've been playing with IG for a long time and it is a love hate thing. I try not to get sucked in but like you said it just happens. I did 2 posts today and found out how to make Reels so I did one of those. I found that after I posted them I kept going back to see if anyone saw them. Yes they did but how it would help my business I have no clue. So what to do?
    You are exactly right with social media creating more anxiety for some of us. If it doesn't make anxiety I see that it is a big time waster. Just the posts alone take time if you want to be thoughtful. Then the checking and checking hoping to make some sale or create some more business, makes me crazy.
    Anyway, I do feel a lot better when I am not on social media for days. Connecting on a more personal level is better. Thank you again for a great post to make me really think what am I doing. ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayFebruary 17, 2022 at 12:26 PM

      I think the trick is figuring out what works best for you and your business (if you have one). I'm glad to hear my post is helping you think about the best plan of action for you!

      Delete
  5. Anne ButeraFebruary 19, 2022 at 9:49 AM

    Always interesting to read other artists' takes on social media. And the choices artists make to change their lives. To live with more authenticity and nurture their creativity in their own ways. So often we're convinced we have to do things someone else's way and it's not true.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayFebruary 22, 2022 at 9:45 AM

      I wholeheartedly agree Anne! I think artists and writers are some of the most intentional people I know and I love how they find creative solutions to issues that affect them. You are definitely someone who inspires me with your thoughts on life and creating.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What Lies Beneath

  Since I last wrote about my garden , a lot has happened. And a lot hasn’t happened. We went from a wet spring to a few sparse weeks of beautiful summer weather, and then roared into blistering heat. My garden, unable to contend with Mother Nature’s mood swings, had suffered. Between heat waves, I would wander into my garden and, instead of looking to see what was growing, I looked for destruction. Which crop failed this week? The beds, usually lush and beautiful, have big bare spots where the vegetables failed to grow. Our potato plants, which seemed to be the only crop that survived the wet spring, had dried and brown foliage, leaving me to wonder if my Irish blood somehow invited blight. While the garden withered so did we. Heat, illness, and general malaise made us wither almost as much as our garden. In the midst of this ennui, my husband and I trudged out to face our wilting, seemingly dead garden, ready to pull the dead plants, and to grieve over the failed plot. ...
12 comments
Read more

How to Stay Friends without Social Media

How do you stay in touch with people once you leave social media? This one of the main concerns I hear from people when they find out that I’ve quit social media. To be truthful, you will fall out of touch with some people. But you know, that’s not always a bad thing. At least it wasn’t for me. According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, the number of people humans can sustain relationships with is 150. He based this number (called Dunbar’s Number ) on the size of the human brain. The thesis is that primates are wired to be in group sizes that will assist with survival. While there are arguments about the validity of this theory, I know I feel stressed-out when I have too many relationships going on and not enough time to nurture them.   Being a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend is very important to me. It brings me joy to take care of the people I love. I cook for them, check-in on them regularly, and give them my focused attention when I am with them. But I mus...
12 comments
Read more

Fridays Are For Art

Those of you who have been with me since the beginning, the ones who have watched me go from mixed media art to craft design to watercolor to embroidery, may wonder if I have abandoned all visual art. I haven’t. I just stopped sharing it.  At first, my lack of sharing came from a place of hurt and vulnerability. All those years I spent trying to make a business from my visual art came to nothing. Although I wrote bravely about closing Laura Bray Designs, it felt like a profound and humbling blow. My creativity teetered. Then something amazing happened. I began to create just for the sake of creating. Now I sit down at least once a week and make art just for pure pleasure. There is no wondering if it will sell. There is no rushing because I need to put something pretty to look at on my Instagram feed. I just create. I make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. I create the same thing repeatedly until I land in a place of complete originality. This is easier now that I am no longer...
12 comments
Read more

The Aging Inner Critic

  A funny thing happened over the past decade. My inner critic got old. The last time I really looked at my inner critic, about fifteen years ago, she looked like the identical twin of my high school art teacher. The one who told me that I didn’t have any artistic talent, thus crushing my dreams of becoming a fashion designer. But I looked my inner critic up the other day and discovered that witch got old! She no longer appears as my high school art teacher but is a completely new character running around in my head messing with me. She tells me her name is Maude and she’s an old woman of the most crotchety type. Her skin is creped and full of wrinkles, her hair is gray, she is short (like me) and thin (not like me, which, She points out, is because I over-indulge and She doesn’t). She smells of camphor liniment and the peppermint candies she clicks against her teeth whenever someone (me) says or does something that She doesn’t think is “appropriate”. Tsk. She wears sag...
14 comments
Read more

Sketchbook Musings

       I sometimes wonder what my grandchildren will think if they flip through my sketchbooks?       When they pick-up my Botanical Wonder Sketchbook will they see that I was an avid gardener, deeply in love with nature? Will they marvel at my account of almanac-like posts and see a personal account of climate change?      When they flip through my Recipe Sketchbooks, they will see the Ambrosia recipe I wrote down and illustrated, based on my great-grandmother's recipe. Will they be inspired by notes on our family tradition Taco Nights? Or maybe they will already have Taco Nights and realize where the tradition started.      When they look at my Artist Sketchbooks, they will see that I designed a line of rubber stamps, based on my love of tea and gardens, and notes for some of my embroidery designs. Will they be inspired to learn how to embroider or explore their own creativity?      When they look at...
14 comments
Read more

Building a Cookbook Library

I collect cookbooks.  I know I could look-up just about any recipe online, but I can't give up my cookbooks. I love sitting down with a stack of cookbooks and planning a holiday meal or dinner party. Sometimes, if I'm feeling bored or anxious, I'll pull a favorite cookbook off the shelf and just read it. I love the photos. I love to daydream about making the dishes. Sometimes they inspire me so much I get up and bake something. To me, cookbooks are so much better than cooking blogs. Is it just me or have they gotten impossible to navigate? First there's the pop-up ads that always seem to crash the website at the very moment I'm rushing to check how long the brownies are supposed to bake. By the time I reload the website, I have burnt bricks of chocolate. I also hate the long, drawn-out stories before I get to the actual recipe. Don't get me wrong. I love a good story behind a recipe. Heck, when I share my recipes, I usually give you a story. What I hate about mo...
20 comments
Read more

The Garden Through the Years-June

This is our sixth year gardening. It's been a journey, every year we learn a little more. The garden has not only taught us how to grow plants, but also how to have patience and hope. It's taught me the healing power of nature. It has helped my husband and I grow our marriage through planning the garden and working side by side. It's inspired me creatively. Every year, I usually share a monthly update of my garden during the summer months. I'll continue the tradition this year, but I am also planning to share the garden's growth over the past six years. I'll show you what it looked like each month over the years. We started our garden in 2017, about 10 months after we moved to the Pacific Northwest.  My husband built our raised beds and we put up temporary fencing around the perimeter to keep the deer out. It was cumbersome to get in and out of the garden and it didn't deter the deer or the bunnies. They found a way in regardless. We grew tomatoes (too many)...
24 comments
Read more

Curiosity and Experimentation in a Writing Practice

  Experimentation is a big part of my life. When I work on my visual art, I always strive to find new techniques to improve my work and make it more interesting. When I cook, I try new recipes, tweak old ones, and use new ingredients. The list of experiments goes on and on. Now I try to bring that same air of curiosity to my writing practice. My Writing History When I first started writing, many years ago (before computers! gasp!) I wrote my first drafts in longhand, in journals then they would get typed up. Eventually, I moved to a word processor, which allowed for some editing on screens but I usually stuck to handwriting to start. Computers came along and it took me awhile to write directly into a Word document. I think I finally crossed over into writing my drafts electronically around the time my blogging began in earnest. But now, as I’ve begun my journey to take my writing more seriously, and am working on writing an actual book, I’ve found that I have gone back to h...
14 comments
Read more

Ghosts of Christmas Past

One of the best Christmas gifts I ever received was a Sindy doll’s dining set from my father’s sister, my Aunt Kathy. Aunt Kathy always bought my sisters and I the best presents. She had three boys and I think she relished the chance to hit the girl’s section of the toy store. Many of my most beloved gifts were from Aunt Kathy. I mean, she’s the one who bought me The Barbie Beauty Center Styling Head too. Oh, I can still smell it-the plastic, sweet smell. I remember the way the powdery, blue eye shadow glided onto Barbie’s perfect eyelids, smooth as silk. And how her hair, always satin blonde, immediately became tangled, never to be like new again. But back to Sindy’s dining room set. A creamy, French provincial style. It was made for Sindy dolls but at my house, Barbie took it over. Barbie was kind of priviledged and tended to think the world revolved around her so she often furnished her life from the spoils she stole from other dolls. She took my Jody doll’s dog and, worse,...
15 comments
Read more