Skip to main content

Finding Your Purpose in Midlife

Finding Purpose in Midlife
For the past few years, I have been struggling to figure out what I am going to do with the next stage of my life. I closed my business, and my daughter will be leaving for college in a year and a half. A new season of my life is dawning and I am feeling lost.

The last time I felt like this was when my daughter was a toddler. I was winding down my career as a business consultant, looking for ways to live that allowed me to be the primary caregiver for my daughter and still feel fulfilled. It was an uncomfortable time, and I spent the first two years of her life flailing around, trying to find my purpose.

The thing that saved me, that set my life back on track all those years ago, was reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I worked through the twelve-week program and came out of it an artist. It is fair to say that it completely changed my life and served me well for a good fifteen years.

Now here I am again, feeling another momentous change is on the horizon and I am unsure of what is next for me. I have been sitting in this discomfort for a few years and finally realized the answers were in the same place I looked last time-in Julia Cameron’s writings.

I recently discovered that she has a book called It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again , written just for this stage in my life. Many of the exercises in it are like the ones in The Artist’s Way, but there is less work in reconnecting to your creativity and more about figuring out what’s next as you age and your responsibilities change.

It is a twelve-week program. There are morning pages, artist’s dates, and solitary walks as the basic tools to help you prepare your mind for the work ahead. There is an added addition to the process, that Julia calls “Memoir”, where you look at all the years of your life over the course of the program, and there are questions and tasks each week to work through some sticking points.

I have to say that I am only in the first week and I already feel a sense of relief. If nothing else, I now have “work” to do each day. I am planning artist’s dates. I am planning walks. I work on the written exercises. I have a sense of purpose for the next twelve weeks at least. I trust that the work I do, will bring clarity to the next chapter in my life. 

Tell Me What You Think

If you are in the same boat as I am, what are you doing to figure out who you will be in the next stage of your life? I would love to get your suggestions for tools that you have used to find meaning and purpose in your work and life.

Explore More

  • My friend, Lori Roberts of Little Truths Studio, has an e-course all about exploring midlife through journaling. You can sign-up for The Unfolding here.
  • I recently re-watched the documentary, Advanced Style (Amazon Prime), and was inspired by not only the fashion sense of the women featured but also their philosophies on life.
  • My Kitchen Year by Ruth Reichl is a great memoir/cookbook about Ruth's search for purpose when Gourmet Magazine folded and she lost her job as editor.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Dana BarbieriApril 6, 2022 at 5:04 AM

    I'm right there with you Laura. For me I'm feeling a lot of grief over the whole letting go process. I loved having young kids and now it feels like the best days of life are behind me.

    It took me some time to adjust after having my son and now it just feels so hard to imagine the next stage of motherhood and life as middle aged woman even though I know it's neccessary.

    Thanks for sharing that book. I will look into it. I hope it continues to help you navigate this stage.

    Sending hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayApril 6, 2022 at 2:00 PM

      Dana, I know what you are going through-I think you will find the book helpful. You can always reach out to me if you want to talk. You are so creative! I know you will find your way! We did it once before, when we had kids-we can do it again!

      Delete
    2. Dana BarbieriApril 9, 2022 at 6:37 AM

      Thank you Laura. I'm remaining hopeful.

      Delete
  2. MarciaApril 6, 2022 at 8:47 AM

    Thanks for the tips, Laura. I read The Artist's Way several years ago and it was a game changer. I will check out the Never Too Late book. Although I am clearly more at the end of my life than at the beginning, I find every day brings more questions (which I consider a good thing) so a new book will be great to answer some of them. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayApril 6, 2022 at 2:01 PM

      The book is great. I'm finding out so much about myself and am fascinated by how much I have changed since I did The Artist's Way. Even my inner critic has a new face!

      Delete
  3. C. Jane ReidApril 6, 2022 at 8:53 AM

    You know I am going through the same struggles. Thanks to you, I am finding more purpose in trying to create a more sustainable consistency in my writing. I more able to make writing a priority now that the kids are older. I am glad that I do have this career focus, it's just that now I need to learn how to focus on my career. See what I did there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayApril 6, 2022 at 2:02 PM

      I'm so glad we are on this journey together Carissa! I treasure our weekly writing sessions.

      Delete
  4. MG Doodle StudioApril 6, 2022 at 12:23 PM

    This sounds like an excellent book. I'll have to check it out!

    ReplyDelete
  5. SueApril 6, 2022 at 2:48 PM

    Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out. It would be nice to have a plan for life, but it seems that my experience is more along the lines of "Man plans and God laughs." On a daily basis, though, I could definitely use more focus. However, when I look back, say 5 years to where I am now, I'll think, "Man, I could have never planned this," and usually, the random stuff that's happened isn't so bad. Sometimes, it's almost magical.
    Admittedly, my fiddle-dee-dee attitude would likely make others bonkers. But, isn't that what makes life interesting? Our differences.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayApril 6, 2022 at 3:02 PM

      I completely agree Sue-planning your life can be an exercise in futility but the book is helping me discover new ways to be creative and have fun while I let life roll over me. :)

      Delete
  6. Aleta JacobsonApril 6, 2022 at 3:31 PM

    You hit the nail on the head. I've been swimming along for awhile. There were glitches and some issues with my business but it ran pretty good. You know I've been cutting back with my teaching. I had a health issue last week and canceled my students (down to only 4). Today I got a text from one of the mom's saying her daughter couldn't make the lesson. Then the other student "ghosted" me.
    I feel relieved. I don't know what I'll do when all of the students leave. I do feel a bit like I'm a fish that's been hooked and reeled in and flopping around in the boat. I need a life preserver.
    And here you are! Thank you for all your advice and the book recommendations. I can't offer any ideas as I'm in the same boat as you for now. But I'm sure I will find something in these books.
    Thank you again. Good luck to you and all your readers also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura BrayApril 7, 2022 at 9:52 AM

      Such kind words Aleta. You made my day. I hope the book helps you find some answers.

      Delete
    2. UnknownApril 12, 2022 at 11:16 AM

      I just went through this over the past 5 years. With COVID, I realized I was grasping for relevance and meaning where there was none. I had pretty much retired because of life situation, and financially able to not work. I did a heart analysis and realized my adult children really needed me. I had a new grandson I wanted to be close to. They needed a babysitter, so I quit my career development activities, sold our house and moved. I now babysit him full time and love that he knows and loves to be with me.
      So many hard choices, but it's also allowed me to get back in touch with my creative self.
      Thanks for sharing!

      Delete
  7. Kari June 15, 2022 at 2:44 PM

    I'm so happy to have found you today. Julia's books have also impacted my life. I was in a similar situation to you a few years back. I was engrossed with my children's lives, and as they grew up, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.   I knew I didn't want to give up writing. I also wanted to stop worrying about what other people thought about my writing not earning me money. In that regard, Julia saved my soul.


    My "soul homework," as I dubbed it, also led me to what I am now gradually cultivating for myself outside of my blog: becoming a life coach. I hate the way it sounds, so I want to come up with a different word. But I'm focusing my efforts on women in menopause since I believe this demographic is underserved. So many of us reach this stage and wonder, "What now?"

      I mentioned the soul homework not to promote anything, but to encourage you to look into the books listed at the top of my blog under that tag. Many of these helped me immensely on this journey, and I want to share them with others as well. I also know Julia has other books that I haven't read yet. I've heard that Vein of Gold is also good. 

    I'm off to check out the links you suggested. Sending you love.
    Xoxo

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On gardening, reading, and dreaming

Yesterday was a spectacular spring day. After getting dumped on with a late snow in mid-April, and then days and days of cold wet rain, the sun and 70-degree weather was a welcome respite.  Gardening We headed into the garden early, just after breakfast, with carrot, radish, and lettuce seeds in hand. All cool weather crops, we usually have luck planting them early. If all goes well, we’ll be eating from our garden in mid to late May. The rest of our plantings will have to wait until Mother’s Day weekend or later, when the chance of frost is long past.  Cooking As we poked around the garden, we were able to harvest some kale and parsley which somehow survived the winter. To celebrate, I made a big bowl of tabbouleh which will take care of a few lunches this week and made creamed kale to go with the shrimp and grits my husband made for dinner last night. I don’t know why I feel so much happier when I’m eating food directly from my garden, but I do. I know it’s all in my head, ...
18 comments
Read more

A Year of Food Memoir

  Last year, when I decided to turn my creative attention to writing memoir, I knew I had to read it as well as write it . Looking at my reading journal, it looks like I read over twelve memoirs, each bringing me a different view on not only life, but also how to write one's personal story.  This year, I'm turning my attention to food memoir. If you have spent any time reading my old blog , you know that I love to cook and I've played with the idea of writing a cookbook or a food memoir for a long time so I thought it might be fun to read food memoirs and cookbooks this year to get inspired and learn how authors share their lives through food. Looking at my shelves, I realize that this interest isn't new to me. There's Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain, who single-handedly ruined going out to eat for me. Isabelle Allende's Aphrodite is one of the most sensual books about food I've ever read. MFK Fischer's description of eating an orange that sa...
11 comments
Read more

Witcherature

  There I was in my family’s half-finished basement, surrounded by my friends. It was the mid-1970s at the end of October, in a small town in Ohio and my mom was throwing me an epic Halloween party. We had just finished a game where we sat in a circle on the old rug that barely protected our bottoms from the cold linoleum basement floor. My mom started telling us a scary story that involved body parts and, as the story went along, she would pass the ‘body parts” around the circle. It was pitch dark in the room and we could only use our hands, not our eyes. Ice cold hands (water that had been frozen in rubber gloves, a heart (peeled tomato), and eyes (peeled grapes) were solemnly passed around. My friends and I were around eight years old at the time, so we tried to laugh off our fear, tried to remind ourselves it wasn’t really body parts that were being passed around, but I think we were all relieved when the story was over, the lights turned on, and cupcakes started getting passed...
2 comments
Read more

Sketchbook Musings

       I sometimes wonder what my grandchildren will think if they flip through my sketchbooks?       When they pick-up my Botanical Wonder Sketchbook will they see that I was an avid gardener, deeply in love with nature? Will they marvel at my account of almanac-like posts and see a personal account of climate change?      When they flip through my Recipe Sketchbooks, they will see the Ambrosia recipe I wrote down and illustrated, based on my great-grandmother's recipe. Will they be inspired by notes on our family tradition Taco Nights? Or maybe they will already have Taco Nights and realize where the tradition started.      When they look at my Artist Sketchbooks, they will see that I designed a line of rubber stamps, based on my love of tea and gardens, and notes for some of my embroidery designs. Will they be inspired to learn how to embroider or explore their own creativity?      When they look at...
14 comments
Read more

A Slow Holiday Season

It is Christmastime at our house. We have pulled our trees and ornaments out of storage just in time for the darkest days of the year. It is an unusually wet season (even by Pacific Northwest standards) and most days it seems the sky is under a large piece of dark gray flannel. The sparkling fairy lights strewn over the mantel and the lights of the tree illuminate the house in a way that lamps cannot. The light fades just as I leave to pick-up my daughter from school. Before I go, I walk through the house, lighting the trees and all the fairy lights. It is a small, festive way to welcome her home from a wet day out in the world. When we get home, I make a simple snack. Apples and peanut butter, cheese and crackers, or, for a special treat, hot cocoa and popcorn. We sometimes turn on the gas fireplace.  We settle under quilts my mother-in-law made and watch Dash and Lily on Netflix . It is our second year watching it. We greedily look at the dreamy holiday interiors.The holiday soun...
4 comments
Read more

A Seattle Travel Guide for Writers, Readers, and Artists

Now that the world is opening up a little again, are you making vacation plans? I am so ready to start really traveling again! I get a lot of inspiration when I travel and always come home refreshed and filled with new creative ideas.  Last month, we traveled to Seattle. It's one of our favorite local vacation spots. It's only a three hour drive from our house so we've made the trip up a few times since we moved here. It holds a special place in my heart because it was my first introduction to my (new) home state. The first time I visited I never imagined I would one day live in this evergreen paradise. Seattle is different than it was when I first visited. It's grown (maybe too much) but it still has it's charms. If you are looking for a place to vacation this summer, where you can escape the heat, Seattle is a great choice. Here are my recommendations for a visit. Inspiring Things to See The Space Needle It's a tourist cliche, but you have to do it. We went u...
14 comments
Read more

What I haven't told you

  I told you how I started making art, when a surprise pregnancy, at the height of my business career, propelled me into an identity crisis and I went in search of who I really was. I worked through The Artists Way , discovered a love of art in my past and built a new identity around that. I hung that idea high and called it my North Star. The stories I told around that idea supported it. I talked of my love of art and how my wicked art teacher took that dream, stomped on it, and sent me fleeing into the business world. But that is not the whole story. I didn’t leave out parts of my story to lie, I just brushed past them to connect with my creativity. I didn’t tell you about the literature classes I was taking in high school. Beloved teachers taught my literature classes and they opened the world of literary criticism for me. They most decidedly were not like my wicked art teacher, they supported and encouraged me. I didn’t tell you there were always stacks of books piled up ...
12 comments
Read more

The Garden Through the Years-June

This is our sixth year gardening. It's been a journey, every year we learn a little more. The garden has not only taught us how to grow plants, but also how to have patience and hope. It's taught me the healing power of nature. It has helped my husband and I grow our marriage through planning the garden and working side by side. It's inspired me creatively. Every year, I usually share a monthly update of my garden during the summer months. I'll continue the tradition this year, but I am also planning to share the garden's growth over the past six years. I'll show you what it looked like each month over the years. We started our garden in 2017, about 10 months after we moved to the Pacific Northwest.  My husband built our raised beds and we put up temporary fencing around the perimeter to keep the deer out. It was cumbersome to get in and out of the garden and it didn't deter the deer or the bunnies. They found a way in regardless. We grew tomatoes (too many)...
24 comments
Read more

The Top Five Posts of 2022

  A favorite family cookie cutter.                                          It snowed just before Christmas, then we got freezing rain. You too?   Me on Christmas Day   My daughter and I love to go to our old, downtown theater to see Christmas movies from the 1940s. Before we start the new year, I wanted to take some time to say goodbye to 2022. While I don't get hung up on checking my blog statistics, I do like to see what your favorite posts were and then maybe refine what I will write in the next year. So are you ready to see what the top posts of last year were? Top 5 Posts of 2022 5. Roasted Tomatoes and An Empty Nest   Well, it seems many of you are in the same boat I am, slowly counting down our days to an empty nest and dealing with all the feelings that come with sen...
7 comments
Read more

Famous First Lines

     W hen I was in college, I collected the first lines of books. I had a journal to hold my collection and, whenever I came across a particularly good first line, I wrote it down. My two favorites were the openings lines of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s book, Love in the Time of Cholera: “It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.” and Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier : “Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again.”      I had these lines memorized and would trot them out during late night literary discussions with my fellow literature major friends. I cringe when I think of my younger self doing that, but you know she was on to something because now that I’m trying my hand at writing, I’m realizing that opening lines are my superpower. At least I know how to start story.      Recently, I read an article about Shirley Jackson’s opening paragraph to We Have Always Lived in the Cast...
12 comments
Read more