When I was in college, I collected the first lines of books. I had a journal to hold my collection and, whenever I came across a particularly good first line, I wrote it down. My two favorites were the openings lines of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s book, Love in the Time of Cholera:
“It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.”
and Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier:
“Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again.”
I had these lines memorized and would trot them out during late night literary discussions with my fellow literature major friends. I cringe when I think of my younger self doing that, but you know she was on to something because now that I’m trying my hand at writing, I’m realizing that opening lines are my superpower. At least I know how to start story.
Recently, I read an article about Shirley Jackson’s opening paragraph to We Have Always Lived in the Castle, and instead of just scribbling it into a journal as part of my collection, I used it to make my short story, The Canoe Trip, better.
I’ve been struggling with The Canoe Trip for a while. I wrote the first draft a few months ago and then lost interest. I just couldn’t get the storytelling right. But then along came Shirley Jackson and her brilliant first line and I decided I would try to reinvigorate my short story by rewriting the first paragraph.
Here’s Jackson’s opening paragraph, in which she grabs us at once:
“My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.”
And here’s my new opening paragraph for The Canoe Trip:
“Cat and Gwen are six and three years old, respectively. They like Barbies, playing with dolls, macaroni & cheese, and each other. They do not like being cold, liver & onions, too-tight ponytails, or Stacy Smithson-the daughter of their parent’s friends. This is unfortunate because right now they are standing, shivering in the cool mist outside the ranger station, with ponytails pulled so tight they already have headaches, as Stacy stands across the dock glaring at them.”
Previously, the story was told in first person, but I changed the point of view to third person in the sections about the children’s viewpoint. Here’s the original opening paragraph, told in first person of the mother in the story:“It had been a cool and wet week a typical northern Ohio spring and today was no different. The girls’ ponytails high in their heads and clasped with colorful plastic balls with air bubbles floating in the orbs, were damp to the point of dripping. I regretted not bringing hats for them. Their slight bodies shivered in their thin red windbreakers as they skeptically watched Ted pay for the canoe rentals.”
See how a first line can change everything? How important it is to read, voraciously, if you want to write a book? By studying Shirley Jackson’s work, I was inspired to rewrite my first line which then changed the point of view I was using, which led to changing the entire structure of the story.
So that’s all great and good, but guess what? I can’t write a decent ending if my life depended on it! Time to start collecting last lines of books!
Your Turn
Tell me one of your favorite first lines of a book.
Learn More
Read or Watch We Have Always Lived in the Castle
Watch Shirley, a movie about Shirley Jackson’s life.
I absolutely love your re-write Laura! I am terrible at editing my work and am seeking to find a love for it. I have always been a bit like a child when I write-enjoying the chaos of throwing ideas onto paper but when it comes time to tidying up I'm no where to be found. I have never collected first lines, although I have collected quotes in notebooks since I was about 12-you may have given me a new hobby. Which is good because I was running low ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Michele. Always happy to add to people's hobbies!
DeleteWhen I read this, literally the only line that came into my head was "Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents!" Then I thought some more. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." Also, best foreshadowing ever, "When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow."
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to The Canoe Trip! I love your writing. I like how you rewrote the beginning lines.
Both great first lines Nicole!
DeleteLove your rewrite, Laura. And thinking about first lines. Sometimes they're so good but I've never written any down.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anne!
DeleteI like your rewrite but did get a nice visual of those pony tail orbs in the first. I definitely don't write down any first lines but I'll pay more attention now.
ReplyDeleteEveryone of a certain age (ahem) seems to love the ponytail orbs. I have a feeling we were all subject to those torture devices!
DeleteI really like the rewrite. But... I will say that the first one is good too. Maybe another story so don't throw that away. I learned from Julia Cameron that these can be dropped into your Morning Pages and maybe highlighted so you can go back and find those gems.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip Aleta!
DeleteI immediately thought of the Jane Austen classic opener - "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife".
ReplyDeleteI also love 'The Catcher in the Rye' - "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth". I think I read the book in one sitting when I discovered it in my late teens!
The one that has stayed with me always (as a kind of universal truth) is L.P. Hartley's -"The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there" - from 'The Go-between'.
Your re-write is terrific - it brings the girls to life and really makes me want to know what happens next. I also love the description "pony-tails pulled so tight they already have headaches".
I love your rewrite - very effective! My favorite first lines are from Outlander book 1 by Diana Gabaldon (actually the 1st line of the prologue), "People disappear all the time." And, from Voyager book 3 of Outlander series, "He was dead. However, his nose throbbed painfully, which he thought odd in the circumstances."
ReplyDelete