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The End of Self-Doubt

 


I've been thinking a lot about my career. I have been everything from a financial controller and business consultant to an artist and now a writer.

I've spent the past couple of years developing my writing chops and figuring out what I'm going to next. Lately, some very exciting opportunities have come up and with them, the old demons of fear, self-doubt, and self-sabotage.

As I've aged, the patterns of my past are becoming clearer-just before I am about to level-up in my career or business, I pull back. I use the easy excuses of wanting to care for my family, to be home with my daughter. Such excuses sound so honorable. And they are. I convince myself that I am not walking away from an opportunity because I am afraid. No sir. I am walking away because my family needs me. It makes it easy to say no when opportunities arise. Yet plenty of woman are able to raise children and have successful careers. Why didn't I believe I could too?

Letting go of my art business in 2021 was more painful than I let on to you. I have struggled with a great sadness and disappointment in myself. I failed. Worse yet, I failed as an artist. I had tried for 15 years to make a living from my art and I failed. Giving up on a dream is absolutely gutting.

I told myself I wasn't talented, not a good enough artist to make it. But that isn't necessarily true. There are, surely, better artists than me out there, but there are also worse. Regardless of talent, they achieved levels of success that I couldn't seem to achieve.

But the truth is I undercharged for my work and gave too much away free. If I don't think I'm worth it, who will? I would get approached to do licensing, to create products, write books and I wouldn't follow. My excuse was that I was too busy. I had a small child to raise, the timing wasn't right.

I am on the brink of some new opportunities with my writing and I can feel the old patterns staring their engines. Except, my daughter is going to school soon, so using her as an excuse is off the table. Instead I say to myself, "I thought you were going to retire? I thought you were trying to slow down." My sanctimonious self warns me not to get drawn back into the hustle culture.  

But now, the wiser, mature woman in me is stronger. These past few years, since giving up my art business, have changed me and I no longer believe the stories I tell myself to stay small. Success doesn't have to equal hustle but it does mean believing in myself enough to make time for opportunities, to overcome fears and self-doubt.

I got off the phone the other day from an exciting meeting. Within minutes, the critical voices started working on me, finding ways to sabotage the opportunity. But this time, I told them to hush. It is time to focus on me. I have less years ahead of me than behind and if I don't grab the bull by horns, I'll have regrets. And so I move forward, into the terrifying unknown and I hope I will be the better for it. 

When the time is right, I will be able to share my new journey with you.  You are going to love it.

But for now, to support some of the changes I'm making, I'm moving my blog/newsletter to Substack. I hope you will follow me there. There will still be free content. But Story Club and some other content and goodies will be behind a very reasonable pay wall. Monthly stories for less than the price of a cup of coffee.

Even if you don't opt for the paid subscription, we can still visit on my free posts and, I hope it will be easier for you to comment and for me to answer you. I know Blogger can be a bit finicky sometimes about comments.

To visit my new blog on Substack, please click here. There's a bit of content from this blog over there. Fresh, new articles and stories will appear in a week or two. Thanks for always being patient with me and supporting me. It means more than you will ever know.



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Comments

  1. Alondra LarreguiMay 1, 2023 at 9:39 PM

    My mom always told me that if you get the type of fear mixed with excitement, you're headed for the right thing. And I'm so happy you're putting an end to self-doubt; imposter syndrome is also the worst. This is also a very encouraging post, because I'm planning to switch to an English Literature Major and my family's lack of support is very discouraging, especially when I'm at this age where self-discovery feels like a second-puberty.

    I can't wait to read about the exciting things you'll be working on. Congratulations on your new adventure!

    ReplyDelete
  2. NicoleMay 2, 2023 at 4:22 AM

    I can't wait to see what you have in store, and good for you for silencing those voices. Undercharging is a thing that a lot of people do, including myself. Sometimes it's hard to quantify the value of things that we do. But we are more valuable than we even know! Looking forward to following your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SarahMay 2, 2023 at 11:51 AM

    Ooh I can't wait to hear about these opportunities! I think the reality is that working for yourself is much harder that it appears (I wrote a little about this in my post today). Success quite frankly seems arbitrary these days; someone just happened to get lucky and so their sales are up, and someone of equal ability could be struggling for no real reason at all. I'm glad you've stuck with your writing, good things are to come, even if they are not what you envisioned.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMay 5, 2023 at 3:47 PM

    I know what you’re saying. It seems to be what creative go through. So glad that’s exciting things are coming your way. Hope to get your new posts. 💛

    ReplyDelete

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